Rakkausteemasta toiseen (viittaan tällä äsken tänne kirjoittamaani tekstiin, jossa repostelin Albus Dumbledoren rakkauselämällä ja Rowlingin paljastuksella siitä, että herra rehtori oli palavasti rakastunut ystävänsä Gellert Grindewaldiin). Löysin nimittäin netin kätköistä mitä hyödyllisimmän sivun. Hyvästi hiljaa kituvat rakkaussuhteet, hyvästi lyhyet ja epäromanttiset tekstiviestit, nyt ei ole enää tarpeen vedota edes kiireeseen, sillä rakkauskirjegeneraattori tulee ja pelastaa sinunkin suhteesi. Englanninkielentaito tosin olisi suotava...

Tällaisen kirjeen väsäsin rakkaalleni tuosta noin vain, muutamassa sekunnissa. (Muokkasin sitä tosin hieman omiin tarpeisiini sopivammaksi ja poistin hänen nimensä kirjeestä.) Tee sinäkin omasi täällä: http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/love-letter-generator2.php

My dearest dear,

An angel kissed a star which fell to Earth. Upon it was written what I am about to say to you now, and burned upon my heart was your precious name.

Should a thousand angels tear out my heart with the forsaken instrument of death, it would still beat for you a million times and call your name in the night. I just cannot explain the passion inside which burns for you.

What person in their sane mind could resist your hypnotic grey eyes which always reminded me of grey squirrels. I'm not saying you are hairy animal or anything, I mean that in a cute way, cos I think squirrels are really cute (except for those naughty red ones who always steal my chips in the park).

I admire the way you brush your lovely brown hair, and its funny when your hair collects static and stands on end. It reminds me of a cute little hedgehog, or even one of those little troll dolls!

I really do love our bonding sessions on the couch. I think its so wonderful when me and you sit there and just talk about anything, and even watch a DVD together. Although I must admit I really do find it funny when you tell me one of your boring dirty jokes and I pretend its funny and giggle.

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....having said that I do love my car which I've just recently done up! It now makes more noise then a jet engine, is more blockier then an old Mario game, and has such low skirting that the whole thing will break apart if I drive over a bottle top, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn't it weird how the word 'unique' and 'eunuch' sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but 'Chimpanzee' doesn't)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous smile! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your smile! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your smile exceeds anything else!

Anyway darling, I must depart now. I really can't wait to see you again, especially if you are gonna be wearing sexy Purple underwear for me! Go on, surprise me! I've often wondered what you would look like wearing those, and many a nights have gone by where I would sit and fantasise about you wearing Purple underwear and I would have no need to read Harry Potter-fanfiction anymore.

I pray for the day when I can greedily lick your scented lips and drink from your ravishing yet poisonous eyes, once more, my love.

I remain a humble slave to your lustful thoughts,